Eight Awkward Moments That Could Have Been Prevented With The North Moore Short, The Compression Short With Pockets
Posted on November 25 2015
At WOLACO, it’s not just about designing the most comfortable and functional compression shorts with waterproof pockets on the planet; it’s about preventing awkward moments.
Dedication: It is to the thousands of cracked cell phones, dropped credit cards, lost keys, ripped and dampened dollar bills, and unrealized romantic relationships that we wish to dedicate this article. And to those tormented souls still working out with an armband, running belt, fanny pack, or, worst, your hand, we wish to say to you: "Stop!" Because we have an alternative.
1) You Wore An Armband To Your Hometown’s Turkey Trot
Home for Thanksgiving, you decide to run in the local 10K Turkey Trot. Stretching at the starting line, you feel the excitement of the moment. You think to yourself, it feels good to be home, to be a part of this day of celebration and community. Unfortunately, while doing so you’ve failed to realize your runner’s armband is coming undone.
Within your first ten strides of the race, your armband falls off, and with it, your phone. Stopping to pick them up, you get knocked to the ground by another runner. This causes the worst pile up in the history of all Turkey Trots. Your hometown detests you. You ruined Thanksgiving. It's all your fault...but it didn’t have to be.
2) Mesh Short Pockets
You're running through Williamsburg when you have to side step a pile of fresh dog dump. You evade it skillfully, but while doing so, your phone leaps out from your short pocket. You watch as it detaches from your headphones and lands squarely in dog feces. Bravely, you recover the phone. You look to your left and see a young girl. She stares at you. You try to continue your run, but you can’t. All you can feel is the dog crap in your hand and shame.
3) You Wear A Fanny Pack
You wear a fanny pack.
4) Doing It With Your Hand
You're running down the winding cobblestone streets of the West Village. Admiring the quaint brownstones, the rooftop gardens, the corner cafes, you feel as if you’re running through a Wes Anderson film.
When a large and villainous-looking man on a Citi Bike flies by you, knocking your phone out of your hand. Your phone hits the cobblestone street and shatters on impact. The man laughs at you, flips you the bird as he bikes away. None of the data on your phone is backed up.
5) You Wear A Running Belt
Also called “a fancy fanny pack.” A step above the fanny pack, a step below the arm band.
6) The Front Tuck
The first time you saw her running along the West Side Highway three years ago, you fell in love at first sight. Today’s the first time you mustered the courage to finally speak to her. It seems to be going well so far.
Preparing to take down her number, you reach into the front of your spandex, where you store your iPhone. You struggle to pull it out, and when you do, the phone is slobbered in man sweat from down under. The screen’s so coated with sweat that when you try to slide to unlock the lock screen, nothing happens. You get agitated and nervous and you curse your phone. Feeling awkward, she mumbles something about it not being a big deal and jogs away from you. You never see her again.
7) The Bicep Curl Casualty
You’re doing incline hammer curls to failure. You’re on the final reps of your final set. Your right bicep, swole from the pump, starts to stretch the velcro strap of the armband. You don’t notice. You’re focused on the pain and the angsty Nirvana vocals bursting through your headphones. Your phone slips out of the armband and falls to the floor. Finished, you release a grunt, and a forty pound dumbbell onto your phone. That’s a broken phone. It could have been prevented.
8) Credit Card In The Sock
It was a meathead decision, but you stuffed your credit card in your sock during a four mile run along the East River. When you finish your run, you’re pleased. Then you realize your credit card is missing.
When you access your credit card statement you can’t believe it. In the last hour whoever stole the card has impeccable taste in athletic apparel and already submitted an order for 90 pairs of WOLACO North Moore Shorts. WOLACO flags this purchase as suspicious and alerts the authorities. Because of WOLACO’s vigilance, the credit card thief is brought to justice and all charges on the card are reversed. WOLACO gives you three free pairs of North Moore shorts so that this never happens again.
Even if none of this stuff ever really happened, that’s not really the point. The point is, it never should have been able to happen. Make your life easier and buy a pair of North Moores today. And help us prevent future awkward moments by sharing this article with a friend.
A Public Service Announcement From:
The WOLACO TEAM