Open Letter to Women Looking for Holiday Gifts
GETTING A HOLIDAY GIFT FOR YOUR GUY: AN OPEN LETTER TO GIRLFRIENDS, FROM THE WAY OF LIFE ATHLETIC TEAM
It is a truth universally acknowledged that during the month of December every woman is in want of an awesome holiday gift for the man in her life.
Here’s another universal truth, girlfriends: Finding an awesome holiday gift for your guy is—deceptively—really tough.
Which is why we’re giving you some brotherly advice this holiday season, some nuggets of wisdom straight from the domes of dudes.
Because we—your unbiased holiday shopping advisors from Way of Life Athletic Co., the men’s fitness brand that brought you the North Moore Short (the pocketed athletic compression short that will secure your man’s phone, cash, keys, and credit card while he’s getting his run and/ or swole on)—know a thing or two about what dudes want.
Through our Holiday Shopping Guide For Girlfriends (HSGFGF), we hope not only to save you from the holiday gift shopping pitfalls, but to inspire you to get your man the gift he always wanted but never even knew existed. The gift he deserves. The North Moore Short, for example.
THE WOLACO HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE FOR GIRLFRIENDS
1) Don’t Buy Him Another Button-Down
Ladies, please put down the button-down. We’re not in college anymore. We know, it’s a bit of a baffle to everyone, but your man really did graduate—even if it took him that extra semester (or two).
And he doesn’t need another dress shirt with the imprint of a man riding a horse and swinging a club on it. These shirts are for the confines of the office and the frat house and Manhattan bars that don’t deserve mention—not your holiday gift shopping list.
2) Don’t Take Him To Broadway
As always, there are several great shows on Broadway this holiday season, including the much talked about “Hamilton.” We’ve read the glowing reviews, it sounds amazing. Don’t waste a ticket on your dude. It is something that will be endured by him, not enjoyed. Bring that woman from work instead. The one you're always trying to impress.
3) Don’t Buy Him A Book
Get him a self-help book, and he’ll feel psychologically analyzed. Offer him literature, and he’ll feel intellectually smaller. Buy him a John Green novel, and he’ll feel bad for you.
Taste. Knowledge. Introspection. Intellectual curiosity. The exchange of worldly ideas. The ability to climb over the wall of human consciousness and live in another person’s skin and mind for a few hundred pages—it’s beautiful, it’s sublime. It is, as Stephen King calls it, telepathy. It’s reading books.
It is not, however, an appropriate or good holiday gift for your man.
4) No Man Bling
Necklaces, watches, rings, chains, these are all nice things. But they are ill-advised and, oftentimes, result in an awkward gift exchange.
5) Buy Him Something From WOLACO, Obviously
a) It will enhance the size of his bulge(s)
No—not like that. We’re talking about the North Moore Short, the compression short with two waterproof pockets. One for your man’s cell phone, the other for his keys, cash, and credit card.
Give him this gift, and he'll love you forever, or at least for a while, we think. It also means you can stop worrying about carrying these items for him when he’s working out. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll stop losing his shit all the time.
b) It’s a kind but strong reminder that it’s time for your man to get his ass in shape
It’s giving him a cool and highly functional gift, while also saying, “Hey babe, enjoy this holiday grub, especially the pumpkin pie, but know that I’m watching you and that waistline. And if you don’t work off that winter weight, I might have to rejoin Tinder and find someone else.”
c) You’re selfish, and you want your man’s butt to look better and cuter in spandex
Kind of like this guy:
d) If this goes well for men, WOLACO will most likely start a women’s product line … And you will be considered a pioneer for having found them first
e) He deserves an exceptional gift from his girlfriend. A gift that’s innovative, exciting, and let's him know you care about him and his body.
f) And you thought it couldn’t get any better. Well…it did. Because winter is coming, and we just came out with our new product—The Fulton .75